You Can Buy Goth Crocs And Denim Underwear And I Want To Walk Into The Sea

I’m definitely not an authority on fashion, like I wear different variations of flannel and black leggings literally every single day, but I know enough to be able to identify a crime against humanity when I see one. Or two. And I try to stay impartial* and fair** as a writer but every so often it is necessary to pick sides and take a stand.

* opinionated as shit
** die on every hill I come to

This isn’t the first time I’ve addressed Crocs and it won’t be the last, we all have causes we’re passionate about and this is mine. As a wise man once said, Crocs are only okay if you’re an old lady gardening or a baby on the beach. Or, apparently, goth.

Thanks to an Etsy store which I will be reporting to the UN after I finish writing this article, you can now buy goth Crocs, because no faction of society is safe.

Courtesy of HeavyCreamStore

Courtesy of HeavyCreamStore

Ugh, GOD.

And if you’re looking for another statement piece you can wear with your new punk-Crocs, may I suggest the new, understated denim underwear?

Because if you need swiss cheese shoes, you probably want some nice airy pants too. AND the good news is, these are both available for around $300! Which is a low price to pay to be clad in spike-filled Crocs, a denim diaper, and deep regret.

Published at Sat, 30 Mar 2019 01:15:35 +0000