Trump Might’ve Just Tweeted The Worst Puns In History

Last month while in Sweden during a string of performances at various music festivals, hip hop artist A$AP Rocky was arrested and detained on assault charges, and if you’ve glanced at a screen of any kind over the last four weeks you know that President Trump took up Rocky’s imprisonment as his own personal crusade. Through a series of tweets, the president chronicled his efforts to free A$AP Rocky, from calling the Prime Minister of Sweden and offering to “personally vouch for his bail” to meetings with Kanye West (dude I am dying to know what those were like), Trump rubbed his braincells together for this with the same misplaced tenacity as a Boy Scout rubbing two damp sticks together to start a fire.

You know nothing’s gonna actually happen, but he’ll tire himself out eventually.

Now, look — I’m not saying Trump was wrong for wanting A$AP Rocky released. The charges against him were bullshit. He and his team were being followed and harassed by a couple of assholes who were also harassing women on the street, he tried to de-escalate the situation, (there’s even a video of the incident) and his arrest was totally without merit. All I’m saying is Trump’s obsession with freeing A$AP is like a guy standing on his front lawn yelling about how the neighbor across the street needs to trim their hedges while his house is on fire behind him. THERE’S OTHER STUFF GOING ON, MAN. LIKE YOUR HOUSE, WHICH IS ON FIRE.

Also, just as a quick aside, have you seen Swedish prisons? Dude.

Courtesy of imgur

Yeah, these are Swedish prison conditions. But let’s be real here and call this what it actually is. It’s an American college dorm. Like, a super nice American college dorm. So it’s not like A$AP Rocky was a foreigner held in a room so crowded there’s not even space to sit down and without access to basic things like soap. Because that would just be inhumane.

Ahem.

ANYWAY.

So the most recent news is that A$AP has finally been released from jail and is allowed to leave the country while he awaits a final verdict. Hell yeah! He’s gone through all the proper channels of the Swedish legal system, and now he’s out. But not only has Trump kind-of-pretty-much-definitely taken credit for his release, because of course he did, he did it through a tweet that is so, so much worse than his usual brand of smug.

IT WAS… A ROCKY WEEK.

GET HOME ASAP……….. A$AP.

I—

I hate this.

I hate this so much.

I read it and sighed and fully closed my laptop. And then just sat here. Staring into space. Mr. President, this is too far. Even for you. Honestly if I was A$AP Rocky and I read this tweet I would turn the whole ass plane around and just stay in Sweden.

Published at Sat, 03 Aug 2019 00:47:50 +0000