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Some Men’s Group Wants A Straight Pride Parade Because This Is Hell

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Some Men’s Group Wants A Straight Pride Parade Because This Is Hell

Guys… we need to have a talk.

A very serious and important talk. A talk about how hard it is to be straight and cisgender.

The history of plight cis and heterosexual people have endured, and are still enduring, is long and tragic. Higher percentages of both straight men and women have experience rape and domestic violence than gay men and women, and hardly a fraction of survivors sought help from police — because discrimination and abuse at the hands of police officers is another very real epidemic. Heterosexuals and cis-folk are frequent targets of harassment and violence, even from those in society who are supposed to protect and serve.

They are at greater risk to become victims of homelessness, addiction, mental health issues, and suicide than other demographics. Being denied service or turned away from jobs simply because of their sexual orientation is not uncommon, and cisgender people aren’t allowed to serve in the military.

Same-sex marriage has only been legal since 2015, and simply being heterosexual was only decriminalized nationwide in 2003. The ongoing fight for straight and cis rights has been difficult, and although progress has been made, we have a long, long way to go until we reach equality. That’s why June, Straight Pride Month, is so important — because heterophobia is alive and well, and cis/hets are still being oppressed.

Wait — hang on, that’s not right… OHHH. It’s LGBT people! It’s LGBT people that are marginalized and still fighting for equality! SILLY ME.

Lemme correct myself here — June is LGBT Pride Month, not STRAIGHT Pride Month. Why is that, you ask? Why don’t the straights get a whole month to celebrate who they are?

BECAUSE EVERY MONTH IS STRAIGHT PRIDE MONTH.

BY DEFAULT.

BECAUSE BEING STRAIGHT IS A FUCKIN’ BREEZE.

Ohhhhh. That makes sense.

But a group of snivelling heterosexual man-babies in Boston demanded a Straight Pride Parade anyway, because not experiencing discrimination and just having every fundamental right without needing to lift a single grubby sausage finger isn’t enough. No no. These swamp creatures need MORE than the everything they already fucking have. They need a PARADE.

BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE JUST WANNA BE OPPRESSED SOOOOOOO BAD.

Obviously this is beyond dumb. This is trailblazing, going-where-no-troglodyte-has-gone-before-to-infinity-and-beyond dumb. But if there’s one good thing to come out of the absolute farce that is a Straight Pride Parade (I literally can’t even type that without making a face) it’s that we all get to tear it apart.

Published at Thu, 06 Jun 2019 22:16:16 +0000