Pete Davidson And Kate Beckinsale Made Out At A Hockey Game And I Wish I Was Just Dead Already

Pete Davidson and Kate Beckinsale were caught sucking face at a hockey game and you’re probably asking, “why should I care?” And that is a great question. I have no idea. But it’s trending and I can’t escape it because apparently that’s just where we are as a society now. Two people visibly choking on each others tongues like teenagers in a stairwell, these are the things that matter. I don’t know what circle of hell this is exactly but God sometimes I wish nuclear war would just break out and end it all.

Sometimes I have moments of self awareness and reflection where I think to myself, “why am I such a jaded asshole? Just let tabloids be tabloids, none of this matters,” and it is in these moments that I am grateful for people like my good friend Dan Sheehan, who in solidarity chimes in with things like, “very cool that we’re running out of topsoil and we’ve gotta read about a horny sketch comedian all the time,” and reminds me that, yeah, that’s why I’m a jaded asshole: because this really is dumb as shit.

In conjunction with people like Dan who reassure me that I’m not a tool for thinking, “God this is so stupid,” on a near hourly basis while perusing the internet, I’m also deeply grateful for meme culture. Because the only way to combat the bombardment of viral news as inane and pointless as photos of Pete Davidson and Kate Beckinsale swapping spit at a hockey game is by slapping it with labels that read “me”, “my depression”, and “my anxiety” and jamming it into the empty void in my psyche that longs for substance. Just ram all of that shit down with tweets that didn’t make me actually laugh, but made me breathe heavily out of my nose.

Anyway.

Here are some of those memes that made this inescapable breaking news story a little bit more tolerable.

Published at Tue, 05 Mar 2019 01:31:58 +0000