Felicity Huffman And Lori Loughlin Charged For Bribing Colleges Because The Wealthy Elite Really Are Trash
Today’s been a weird day.
We watched Senator Mitt Romney blow out his birthday candles individually, y’know, as you do when you’re from Earth, and the latest scandal to captivate the media surrounds Desperate Housewives star Felicity Huffman and Full House star Lori Loughlin. They’re among a group of around 50 elites who have been charged in connection with a case the FBI have been investigating for about a year, called “Operation Varsity Blues” which, yeah ok this is a serious issue and crime is bad, but also hats off to whoever’s over at the Bureau coming up with these catchy-ass names.
These 50-ish elites have all been accused of collectively paying $6.5 MILLION DOLLARS in various bribes to get their children into prestigious schools, and people are starting to compare the two to their iconic TV roles.
I think it’s safe to say that Rebecca Katsopolis (Loughlin) for sure wouldn’t approve of the actions of the woman who portrayed her all those years.
In fact… isn’t there an entire Full House episode based on this???
YUP
In the one Full House episode Uncle Jesse used a burrito to give DJ the answers on her SAT test. Wonder where he got that idea from? pic.twitter.com/RaUNOXBwUe
— Ted Gruber (@tedgruber) March 12, 2019
Huffman’s character, Lynette from Desperate Housewives, however, was just a tad different in her parenting approach than Aunt Becky, and probably would have pulled the same stunt if she had the cash.
All I’m seeing is Lynette discouraged by Porter and Preston’s SAT scores and being like “Fuck it, they almost died in a tornado when they were kids, THEY’RE GOING TO HARVARD.”
— Greg Bennett (@GreggyBennett) March 12, 2019
As of now, Felicity Huffman has apparently been released on bond – which makes sense because if you can bribe everyone standing in your kid’s way to Harvard, bond is probably chump change.
You are a privileged white kid approaching college admissions season. Choose your path:
A) apply like a normal person.
B) apply like a normal person, fail to get in, appeal to the supreme court.
C) send your mama to jail for a 1420 SAT score and guaranteed admission.
— KJ (@KendraJames_) March 12, 2019
Published at Wed, 13 Mar 2019 00:33:41 +0000