Telenovelas Are Hell: Rubí

Are you ready to get traumatized? Well I’ve got just the thing for you. Mexican Telenovelas are known for being way too over-the-top – Maria María Del Barrio is basically an incestuous Cinderella; La Usurpadora is like a horny Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde; but Rubí has more horny gross people, more car crashes, more people falling off bridges and more suffering abuelitas than anything you’ll ever see. And in case you’re wondering why so many terrible things happen in this telenovela, well the answer is that telenovelas…are hell.

Rubí is the story of a girl who’s extremely fine, but also extremely…an evil piece of shit. Rubí only cares about one thing in life: money and dick, and she’ll do whatever it takes to marry a rich guy.

Rubí is dating Alejandro, a medical student with a chest so hairy it looks like he has a chinchilla hanging from his neck. Rubí thinks Alejandro is rich, until one day he buys her a house that doesn’t have a swimming pool so she breaks up with him for not being rich enough and starts looking for a new man.

She could choose from thousands of guys. But like the snake that she is, she decides to screw over her best friend, a kind girl with a disability that causes her to drag her leg and constantly fall. Rubí seduces her fiancé Hector, by trying on sexy outfits for him at the mall, and asks him to marry her instead.

Hector and his six pack are really conflicted about what to do but, because this is a telenovela, he does the most horrible thing you could do to any human: he stands up his bride at the altar and runs away with Rubí.

That’s just the beginning.

Narrated By: Tamara Yajia
Writer/Editor: Tamara Yajia
Editor: Paul Louis Smith

Published at Thu, 21 Mar 2019 14:00:00 +0000