Surfer Gets Attacked By Shark, Skips Hospital, Hits Up A Bar Instead

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. No, not the holidays, not Toyotathon, this is the one week that we all look forward to the most.

That’s right — it’s Shark Week.

Even if you’re not a huge nerd who lives for nature shows (like me) Shark Week is still the best week ever, hands (and fins) down. Why? Because WHO DOESN’T LOVE SHARKS??? They’re literal dinosaurs that hunt by detecting the electric fields of their prey and have multiple rows of hundreds of teeth and skin that, under a microscope, is also made out of teeth. They are the definition of badass and if any animal deserves their own week of the calendar year, it’s sharks.

It’s pretty common knowledge now that sharks don’t actually want to eat people, we’re not on their food chain and probably confuse the hell out of them. Which makes sense, because if it were the other way around and one day you saw a whale just cruising down the street while on your way to Target, you’d probably do a double-take. So no, sharks don’t want to eat us, but we do look a lot like seals, which they definitely want to eat.

Hey, don’t take it as an insult — seals are adorable.

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Wait a sec. Wrong seal.

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There we go.

See! So cute! To sharks, you look just like this adorable lil guy. So adorable they just wanna take a bite out of you. But as soon as they realize that you’re not a seal and probably taste like shit, they’re usually quick to swim away, and I’m sure if they could talk they’d say, “ope, my bad.”

(Sharks are polite and would sound like they’re from the midwest, until science can prove me wrong this is what I choose to believe)

Unfortunately, they can still do a lot of damage even if they don’t mean to, so if you’re one of the very few people on earth to be attacked by a shark and you survive, that’s incredibly metal.

Like 23-year-old Frank O’Rourke, a professional surfer from Florida, who was bitten by a shark over the weekend.

To be fair — that is kind of an occupational hazard.

But the only thing more metal than walking away from a shark attack, is walking away from a shark attack…

And heading directly to a bar.

YEP.

After breaking free from a blacktip shark’s jaws, O’Rourke headed back to the beach and decided that a hospital could wait, but a beer could not. And, honestly, I don’t disagree with him.

Cheers.

Here’s the full video, including some cellphone footage of the attack itself, and a photo of the bite — so head’s up, it’s a bit bloody.

NOTES FROM SLOANE

Shark Week is an incredibly important initiative that aims to educate the public and help reduce the stigma that surrounds sharks. Sharks are a delicate and extremely vital part of our oceans, and they need our help. Revenge-killing, overfishing, mutilation for shark fin dishes, destruction of breeding grounds, pollution, and climate change have and continue to decimate shark populations. If you would like to learn more about how you can help, either through donations or volunteer work, check out Sea Save — a nonprofit for ocean conservation that is partnering with Discovery for this year’s Shark Week.

Published at Tue, 30 Jul 2019 00:19:59 +0000