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Quit Your Job: The Queen Is Hiring Someone To Run Her Social Media

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Quit Your Job: The Queen Is Hiring Someone To Run Her Social Media

Job hunting in today’s market is no easy task. Competition is fierce in any industry, and even if you’re looking for an entry level position, it feels like every employer expects you to have a degree or two as well as like 12 years of work experience in the field you just finished getting your degree in. Figure THAT paradox out. And sites like LinkedIn or Monster are great, but after a few hours — or days or weeks — of being glued to a screen scrolling through job descriptions, it can all kind of start to blur together.

So here’s a job listing that’s sure to catch your eye.

The Queen of England, yeah, the actual Queen of England, is looking for a social media manager.



Please, do go on

The Royal household is looking for someone to “find new ways to maintain The Queen’s presence in the public eye and on the world stage” and a whole lot of other dry technical details that, frankly, probably aren’t that important.

What IS important is that this is the opportunity of a lifetime to turn The Queen into a goddamn social media influencer.

THINK OF THE POSSIBILITIES.

If you were running Queen Elizabeth II’s social media you could:

  • Add Run The Jewels tracks to every single Instagram story. Imagine a clip of The Queen waving to a crowd with “fuck the law, they can eat my dick, that’s word to Pimp” dubbed over it
  • Caption all her photos with “we out here”
  • Make her social media handle @TheKween
  • Start Twitter beef with John Mayer, because who’s going to stop you
  • Periodically tweet things like “ok for real tho Buckingham is a dumb name for a palace lmao” or “who up and wanna go to Taco Bell”
  • Become really active in Dragon Ball Z forums and chat rooms, make everyone think The Queen is super into anime (maybe she is though who knows)

Listen. The point of this job is to bring The Queen’s presence into the modern era and honestly if “Elizabeth II feuds with Trump, tweets that she will ‘royally beat his ass’” doesn’t end up in the news then I don’t think you’d be doing the job right.

If you think you qualify you can apply here, but I’m expecting them to email me to schedule my phone interview any day now.

Published at Mon, 20 May 2019 23:47:30 +0000