Mustard Ice Cream Is Now A Thing Because These Are Lawless Times

Aside from the obvious fact that we need it to survive, food is one of the most important elements of life as a human. Food brings people together, it carries our history and heritage, it’s how we experience and share in each other’s culture, and if you have a passion for it and a bit of imagination, food is an art form with infinite possibilities. And like any art, its boundaries should be pushed, chances should be taken — but on the other hand, there are just some things you don’t do. Like dunk cookies in orange juice, or eat pizza with a knife and fork, or cook pasta in Gatorade instead of water. There are just some lines that should not be crossed.

And yet, we cross them, because humans are agents of chaos.

I never thought this would be a sentence that I’d have to write, and by that I don’t mean I’ve pondered this concept and said, “nah that’ll never happen.” I mean I never thought I would have to write this sentence because this is something I could never even fathom, something I wouldn’t have even imagined in the most upsetting of fever dreams, but here we are.

To celebrate National Mustard Day — which doesn’t even sound like a real thing — French’s has created mustard flavored ice cream.

They could have given us a cool new take on dijon, or even teamed up with sriracha. But they chose to play god, defying the laws of nature and frozen desserts. In order to create this flavor, this most egregious of unions between sweets and condiments, they started with a cake batter base — which is just cruel. What did the cake batter do to deserve this? It was innocent and good, and now exists only as a ghost, a mere memory of the cake batter it once was, condemned to the frozen aisle, shackled by the tangy flavor of mustard.

In the words of the great Jeff Goldblum, your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.

French’s

If you want to try this ice cream or if simply want to stand in its vicinity and weep, French’s mustard ice cream is being sold at Coolhaus locations around Los Angeles.

Published at Thu, 01 Aug 2019 00:55:01 +0000