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If You’re Feeling Lonely, Try This Buddy Rental Service

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If You’re Feeling Lonely, Try This Buddy Rental Service

If you need a buddy, look no further than Bud Budderson’s Buddy Rental Service. A buddy for all occasions!

FIELD NOTES FROM THE FUNNY OR DIE STAFF

People need buddies for different reasons, and buddies help out in so many different circumstances in life. That’s what’s so great about buddies: versatility.

For example, a hammer can only hammer things. It can’t twist things, or inflate things. It can’t sing a song or share a cool book it read recently about the ecology of road-side ditches.

But buddies can do those things. Buddies can screw things. Buddies can inflate things. And buddies can lay out all the ways that road-side ditches are unsound places to get rid of a bunch of things for burning down the vape store you opened in haste because the ecology of road-side ditches doesn’t really lead to the type of evidence erasure one might want in that type of situation. At least in the short term.

In fact, if you’re not sure what you even need or want to do in the face of, say, a long prison term due to arson and insurance fraud, you can ask a buddy, and your buddy might tell you not to even go through with it in the first place.

Buddies are like people.

In fact, buddies ARE people. And people are buddies. Buddies are, in many ways, the people of things.

So put down all the other things in your life, like that boxed rosé and still-frozen toaster pastries, or that negative balance sheet, and maybe come to terms with your gambling debts and try to put a business plan together and actually turn your vape store into a viable business, BUT ABOVE ALL: speak to a buddy.

This advisable advertisement comes to you from The S&M Experience.

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Created by The S&M Experience

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Published at Tue, 02 Jul 2019 13:00:00 +0000