These ‘Very Modern Mantras’ Will Almost (But Not Quite) Help You Calm tf DOWN

When working your core means losing your will to live.

FIELD NOTES FROM THE FUNNY OR DIE STAFF

Modern life is pretty hard and pretty overwhelming. It’s also filled with about 33 metric tons of the most absolute B.S. self-help garbage around. I’m talking about healing crystals, or “manifesting,” or pretty much anything that could “help prevent ‘shame spirals’ downward toward depressive states” (something for which Goop settled a lawsuit over). Dan Zevin gets this. He also gets that our efforts to combat or fight these modern pressures are nearly just as onerous and difficult as the pressures themselves. So, let’s call it what it is and just label this b.s., shall we?

THERE’S A MANTRA FOR THAT

Enter Very Modern Mantras, a forthcoming book from the Thurber Prize-winning funny man, as well as a series of videos on YouTube. The series touches a variety of topics, and it both abandons or embraces the vocabulary of mindfulness to turn the whole thing on its head. Whether addressing Starbucks (“I will not lose my shit at Starbucks”), open floorplan offices (“I am an open flower who blossoms in an open floor plan”), and anything in between — the series highlights the fact that sometimes, we just need to yell and scream and be two years old again.

These miraculous mantras come to you from Dan Zevin, who shared some of mantras with us here at Funny Or Die, and has also created a whole lot more over @modernmantras on Instagram. And lastly, if you dig these, check out Dan’s book, Very Modern Mantras: Daily Affirmations For Daily Aggravations.

Mantra for an Open Plan Office

When you work in an office without doors/walls/personal boundaries.

Mantra For Starbucks

When the person in front of you has spent 10 minutes customizing their Caramel Frappuccino.

Mantra for GPS

When you’re following the world’s worst driving directions.

Mantra for a Smartphone

When your mobile device is not cooperating.

Mantra for Instagram

When everyone else’s perfect life takes a toll on your tranquility.

CREDITS:

Created by
Dan Zevin

These rainbow-free meditations come from the book VERY MODERN MANTRAS: Daily Affirmations for Daily Aggravations, available for order now.

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Published at Fri, 06 Sep 2019 21:00:57 +0000