Target Has A 20ft Slip N’ Slide, I Don’t Need It But Like I Need It

I’m sure at some point we all kind of miss being a kid. Fewer responsibilities, more sleeping in, joints that don’t regularly make extremely concerning popping sounds — being young was pretty sweet. But being an adult is great too, you have freedom! You can basically go anywhere and do anything.

That’s pretty wild.

Do you ever stop to think about that? Do you ever just think about how you can make any choice you want… because you’re an adult? Like, okay — we all eat eggs and toast or cereal or whatever for breakfast, but we don’t have to. If you wanted to, you can eat a cake for breakfast. And I’m not talking about like, “man there’s nothing in the fridge except this cake so I guess I’ll eat that.” No dude. I’m saying you can go to the store and intentionally buy a whole-ass cake specifically because you plan on eating it for breakfast. YOU CAN BUY A BREAKFAST CAKE. YOU CAN JUST DO THAT. There is LITERALLY no rule that says you can’t.

You know what else you can do? Because you’re a goddamn adult and you make the decisions around here?

You can buy a TWENTY-FOOT-LONG SLIP N’ SLIDE.

Sure, it costs $550 and that’s a lot of money to drop on an inflatable sheet of plastic but adults spend money on dumb shit all the time! Like artisanal olive oil and anything made of suede!

Target’s website says it’s “commercial strength”. A COMMERCIAL STRENGTH SLIP N’ SLIDE?

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? I DON’T KNOW

ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT

PLUS if you get four of your friends to go in on this mother of all slip n’ slides with you it’s only $110 per person. But more importantly than that, it’s no longer an unnecessary, frivolous purchase.

It’s what? It’s — say it with me — an investment.

And what’s more grown up than investments! Nothing! Except maybe saving every single grocery bag “because you never know” and using the term “phone tag” when you leave voicemails.

Be an adult. Get the slip n’ slide.

Published at Wed, 05 Jun 2019 23:22:08 +0000