The Time Zack Morris Cloned Himself To Cheat On His Girlfriend At Her Birthday Party

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Remember the ‘Saved by the Bell’ when Zack Morris cloned himself to cheat on his girlfriend at her birthday party?

As the episode begins, Zack Morris is overjoyed about his latest detention sentence, claiming he’s the only kid on America’s Most Wanted. I’m not surprised.

Kelly wants to know who has dates for her birthday party Saturday! Zack lays claim to his girlfriend’s flesh. Then gloats about Kelly to Slater.

Mr. Belding’s niece Penny is in town and he wants someone to take her out Friday. Zack only wants to know what she looks like, forgetting that Kelly exists.

Belding notes this is Zack’s 9th detention. Zack swears it’s 8. Belding reminds him that number 8 was the time he sold the school to the Japanese. I remain not surprised. One more detention and he’ll be suspended. Belding announces the obvious, that his suspension is imminent, but Zack is unfazed claiming “Not until cows give Pepsi sir”.

He’s only so smug because he’s so dumb.

Zack, who should be on his best behavior, shows up late to class chewing gum. Then flagrantly passes notes. And gets caught. Twice. Detention. Guess cows are giving Pepsi sooner than you thought, Zack.

Belding offers to make detention disappear if Zack takes out Penny. Zack tells Belding that his offer is clearly blackmail. Yeah, who’d you think he learned it from?

Zack laments his date with a Belding Friday, giving no regard to Kelly.

Kelly checks on Zack as he looks shittier than usual. Zack says he’ll be fine for her party Saturday. Kelly reports The Max was booked. The party’s moved to Friday.

How will Zack get out of this? By faking every injury. He suffered a nasty skateboard accident. His doctor said, “No dating.” I’d like to see his medical license.

Belding reminds Zack he used “skateboard accident” for midterms. He re-instates Zack’s suspension, miraculously healing him.

Belding tells Zack to meet Penny at the mall, and carry a red rose so she’ll recognize him. The ONLY way she’ll recognize him. This gives Zack a great idea.

Zack enlists Screech to get him out of his latest self-made prison. Zack says he’s gonna do him a favor and Screech reminds him that Zack’s last “favor” left him trapped naked on a bus.

Someone. Anyone. Investigate this man.

Zack tells Screech he needs to pretend to be Zack and go out with Penny. He breaks Screech’s self-esteem by making him look in the mirror to acknowledge his desperation. Then says stop touching.

But Zack’s blabbering has, once again, allowed his plans to be overheard by Slater who he just provoked.

Zack’s giving Screech a crash course in being a sociopathic douche. Despite the fact that all Penny knows about Zack is a rose, his delusional narcissism deems all this necessary. Screech, trying to keep up with Zack’s unholy curriculum, falls down stairs.

Screech tells Kelly he can’t make it to the party since he has a hot date at the movies. Slater says they can come to the party after the movie! Screech shouldn’t miss out to do Zack’s bidding.

Zack taunts Slater for not having a date. Then says nothing could ruin this night. About that.

Screech arrives with Penny, looking like a bargain bin dick tip. Penny’s sweet and likes Screech regardless of his piss poor personality. Zack yanks him away from the date he setup.

He yells at Screech for showing his face at their friend’s party. Then threatens him with violence if he refuses to leave. But Screech, deep in character, disregards and disrespects his buddy. Full method Morris.

Slater introduces Penny to Kelly in hopes of shining a light on the scum Zack is. Penny tells Kelly she’s having a great date. With Zack Morris. And they’re leaving soon to get hot and heavy.

Kelly’s pissed the fuck off at this bitch showing up to her birthday talking about getting busy with her man. Penny’s afraid she’s about to get her ass kicked. They leave.

Kelly demands answers. “Would you believe we’re on Totally Hidden Videos?” Zack says with the confidence of a pathological liar. No because that’s a made up show. Zack admits he put Screech up to this fraud. Kelly should be furious he accepted a date with another girl. But appreciates the trouble that went into his ass-saving con? No! Kelly no! He’s got you brainwashed, sweet Kelly!

And we never see Penny ever again. After learning she was a pawn in a game, and dating an imposter, she probably fucking killed herself. Let’s review.

Zack Morris had a date with Kelly for her birthday. That he forgot about at the mention of another woman. When warned he was on the cusp of suspension, got busted for the same offense twice in two minutes. Instead of taking his punishment, took a date to bail himself out. And would’ve been fine secretly cheating until it wasn’t physically possible. So he cloned himself, after revealing his scheme to the person he’s been bullying, resulting in his double cheating on his girlfriend at her birthday party. And learned nothing because Kelly is an angel with infinite compassion he does not deserve. Zack Morris is trash.

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Published at Fri, 24 May 2019 14:00:00 +0000