These 90’s Commercials Are Absolute Nightmare Fuel

Oh, Canada — land of good beer, better hockey, and extremely weird ads.

I’ve been living in the USA for less than five months and I’ve already experienced quite a few culture shocks and crazy, eye-opening moments here, but one thing in particular I’ve learned that’s really thrown me for a loop was when I discovered that Canadian television is really, really fucking weird.

I was hanging out with some of my new friends in LA and we were talking about stuff that was on TV when we were kids, and we were fully in the throws of nostalgia when I said, “yeah! Like the North American house hippos.” And everyone immediately stopped talking, turned to me, and went, “uhhhh what did you just say dude?” So I took them down the insane rabbit hole that is 90’s Canadian PSA’s, and I feel it is my duty to share this bit of my culture with all of you.

Buckle up, shit’s about to get weird.

North American House Hippos

This, of all the Canadian PSA’s, is what stuck in my head as a kid the most. Not the “don’t do drugs” ones or the “just be yourself” ads, but the one that introduced the prospect of tiny hippos that live inside your mitten drawer. I’m still waiting for science to make this a reality.

Astar, the robot advocate for safety

This is literally the most roundabout way to tell kids to play safe but honestly if I’m gonna take advice from anyone it’s gonna be a robot from Planet Danger.

Why Be You, When You Can Be Me?

Because I guess the best way to get kids to appreciate their individuality is by scaring the ever-loving shit out of them

Don’t Put It In Your Mouth

This song is a work of art and I don’t honestly know why it’s not at the top of Canadian music charts. Maybe because it’s profoundly disturbing and those puppets look like they crawled out of a bad Jim Henson acid trip but who’s to say.

What’s Your Thing?

I can tell you with 100% certainty that every single Canadian who grew up in the 90’s can recite this ad from start to finish. Every. Single. One of us.

Hip Choice

Canadian PSA’s once again not necessarily steering kids away from making bad choices but for giving everyone deep rooted fears of puppets that we’re all going to unpack with our therapists at some point in our life. Thanks, eh.

Published at Wed, 20 Mar 2019 01:43:20 +0000