9-Year-Old Sneaks Cheese Into Class Via Chapstick Tube

One of the all-time dumbest policies that seems to exist in every school, not only in the US but in my home country of Canada as well, is no eating in the classroom. I never understood it as a kid and I understand it even less as an adult. I guess the argument is that eating in class is a distraction to other kids, but do you know what’s a distraction for pretty much everybody? BEING HUNGRY. Plus, there are a lot of kids out there, I’m just guessing, not that I’d know because I am definitely one of these people, who get very irritable if they don’t eat, and who wants a hangry student in class??

Many a student have tried to evade this “no food in class” rule over the years; silently opening ziplock bags of baby carrots only to be outed by the tell-tale crunch, keeping granola bars hidden in shirt sleeves but failing to hide the very obvious chewing motion granola bars require, or even sipping soup out of hot beverage tumblers, which never works because as soon as you pop the lid everyone knows someone in that room definitely has soup.

But one ingenious fourth grader may have just solved the age old question of “how do you eat food in class without anyone knowing?”

By stuffing cheddar cheese into a chapstick tube.

The daughter of Valerie Schremp Hahn of Missouri is nine years old and probably smarter than I’ll ever be. To evade school authorities and still get to nibble on cheese throughout the day, she hollowed out a tube of chapstick, washed it with dish soap, and inserted a perfectly sculpted tube of cheddar to replace it.

She gave the credit for this idea to a video on YouTube detailing creative ways to sneak food into class. However the video suggests you hollow out a glue stick and stuff the cheese into that, and I gotta say, even though it’s smaller, I definitely like the chapstick modification. You really do not want to be the kid known for taking bites out of a glue stick.

YouTube

Goddamn brilliant. Get this kid a scholarship.

Published at Fri, 20 Sep 2019 21:22:13 +0000