The Way This Man Cut His Bagels Is Beyond Blasphemous

I’ve seen a lot of atrocious acts committed against food. Cheese on PopTarts, beans poured into Crocs shoes, but honestly nothing could have prepared me for this most egregious of food related crimes.

The bagel is a noble food. It’s dense yet fluffy, it acts as a vessel for countless spreads and can take a variety of forms, sweet, savory, hot, cold — as far as I’m concerned, there is nothing the bagel can’t do and it deserves our respect.

So HOW in the good goddamn hell did ANYONE allow for this to happen????

WHAT in the name of all that is CARB-FILLED and HOLE-Y is THAT

I hate to do this to you, I’m sorry for making you all witness this with your own eyes but I have to speak up for what I believe in. Computer — enhance

NO.

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

This method of cutting bagels goes is an AFFRONT TO NATURE. These heathens will argue that this allows for more cream cheese to be delivered per bagel slice and to that I say, you are entitled to your own opinion but also you’re wrong and bad. There is ONE right way to slice bagels and that is exactly ONE TIME right down the middle.

Thankfully, the majority of people agree. In fact, this is causing such a stir it’s being referred to as #BagelGate

I will fight and die on this hill. If you think this is at all the right way to cut a bagel, you don’t deserve them.

Published at Wed, 27 Mar 2019 23:39:23 +0000