1st tattoo: a quote from Dante’s inferno it symbolizes man’s attraction to sin and transgression

30th tattoo: a salami and it represents a salami

— Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) February 28, 2019

Why is anyone surprised that women are attracted to a weird guy with butthole eyes and freewheeling sexual energy? We want to fuck Beetlejuice dude. We are in group chats talking about coughing up a hairball after sucking the Grinch’s dick. Grow up

— Emma (@Merman_Melville) March 4, 2019

my roommate’s been really excited about how well one of her plants has been doing and idk how to tell her it’s a fake plant

— gracie hoos (@cottoncandaddy) March 3, 2019

Exhausted from being so far ahead of my time

— Julie (@julesspeterson) February 23, 2019

i do sell nudes, nudes of my heart, they are my tweets and the price is zero dollars

— dirt prince (@pant_leg) March 3, 2019

mugger: gimme all your cash

me: lmao my what

— jo diggity (@WhaJoTalkinBout) February 6, 2019

When I was 15 my sister told me a scrotum was a skirt with shorts underneath

— Natalia (@nataliayajia) February 12, 2019

Wait are there men who have never punched a hole in drywall does that exist

— Michaela Okland (@MichaelaOkla) February 23, 2019

Hi! How are you? Why don’t airplanes have cup holders?

— D’Arcy Carden (@DarcyCarden) March 8, 2019

I miss how dating used to be. You didn’t have to use Tinder. You could just acquire a toad to carry around from the swamps. If you wanted to kiss him & turn him into a prince, you could. And if not, you still had a nice toad companion. Simpler times.

— Roxi Horror (@roxiqt) October 16, 2018

thinking about yelling, “thar she blows” the next time i cum

— jen merritt!!! (@jennifermerr) March 1, 2019