90 Day Fiancé Serves Drama, Gross Eggs

Me? I love drama. And TLC serves it in this week’s episode of 90 Day Fiance: The Other Way. Things may seem calm right now, but I can feel the tension in the air. Like a thunderstorm in the distance, I smell it coming.

Deavan’s Eggs Are Bad

TLC

Oh Deavan. Like the eggs she makes, Deavan could crack and break at any moment. Right? Doesn’t it seem like every single thing she does for Jihoon’s family is the most important task of her entire life? She’s unhealthily obsessed with being a good housewife, as though every fragment of her self-worth is tied to making an enjoyable breakfast for Jihoon’s parents.

Daevan is very much a “no wire hangers” type of mother… If we’re being totally honest, I don’t know exactly what that means, but I think the phrase is appropriate in this situation.

Drusilla, Drusilla, Drusilla. She is like a boar in the wild, searching for its next piece of trash to munch on. In this episode, that trash is uncooked bacon and a pile of eggs on a styrofoam plate. (A boar is a type of pig, so that would also make her a cannibal. Unsurprising.)

Sorry to prolong the issue, but Drusilla is truly Dru-sgusting. She sits on the counter with her scummy little diaper three inches away from the food, then eats from the family egg pile with her fingers and places chopsticks (utensils people have just used!) between her toes. You should see the face I’m making just thinking about the germs in that kitchen. I can barely scarf down my delicious burrito bowl right now.

Jihoon’s mother is the shadiest little bitch and I love it. Deavan asks Jihoon to ask his parents if they like the food. Instead of giving her approval, his mom asks if American food is always this salty. Of course it is, lady! Why do you think we have so many heart attacks?! No one monitors our sodium intake.

Paul Needs Jesus

This. Fucking. Idiot. I simply cannot find the words to properly articulate my distaste for him.That’s something Paul and I have in common: he can’t enunciate his words and I can’t find mine. TLC’s subtitles for Paul are one of my favorite things about this show.

Paul visits a lawyer for his visa. Apparently, he was charged with terroristic threatening in the third degree for threatening to slash his ex-girlfriend’s tires. He tries to downplay the charge to the lawyer and tell him it sounds more dramatic than it actually is. Um, sounds pretty fucking bad, you little terrorist. I wouldn’t want to be on a plane with him.

Paul and I both are surprised that his visa didn’t get denied because of his arson charges. Listen, I went ahead and gave it a Goog as a favor to us all and it turns out that he was found guilty of felony arson in 2014. He committed the arson and defrauded his insurance company in 2007. According to a reputable publication, he served a quick jail sentence, was released, and is on supervised probation until April of 2020.

EXCUSE ME: WHAT????? TLC: you have a convicted felon on your show who is CURRENTLY on probation? I’ll ask the question that I ask every week: does the danger he could pose to Karine and your audience at large mean NOTHING to you? I fucking can’t.

One more thing: Paul can’t afford this immigration lawyer. Need I remind you of his cow dung fingernails? Honestly, I’m willing to bet that producers staged this scene and probably paid for it to keep the storyline moving.

The wall behind the lawyer’s desk is adorned with a Jesus plaque, which is exactly what Paul needs right now. Lord, help this man.

Bucket Bath

Speaking of Jesus, apparently He heard my prayers because Sumit and Jenny FINALLY get some screen time this week. I don’t know why TLC deprived us in the past. That was uncomfortable for me.

I’m still confident in their beautiful and pure love, but I think there’s more to Sumit than just crooked teeth and luscious hair. (Ew, I do NOT have a crush on him. You do.)

He brings Jenny to a beautiful palace and gives her some ugly news. He quit his job to help her adjust to life in India. Allegedly. After lying to his parents, I know this little shithead is capable of deception and I don’t buy his story. It doesn’t add up.

Please Don’t Dry-Hump The Keg, Sir

Daniel is sweet and never fails to activate the one maternal instinct that resides in my cold, cold heart. He loves that shitty little stuffed shark from his new grandmother and it’s downright beautiful.

However, Ronald is dumb. He has his bachelor party the day after he gets back from rehab and my neck hurts from shaking my head so hard. Yes, his addiction is to gambling and not alcohol, but that shit is transferable! Listen, I quit drinking 12 years ago and yet, I still obsessively shop for cheap clothes on Poshmark if my recovery isn’t in check. And Poshmark is kinda gross. I have a thing about germs.

Tiffany is skeptical and wants literal receipts from Ronald’s night out. His douchey bros take him to a bar and he immediately starts dry-humping a keg of beer. Well, it’s less of a bar and more of a concrete area that would make an excellent bomb shelter and/or earthquake hideout. (Calfornians, take note!)

TLC

Meanwhile, at Tiffany’s bachelorette,, everyone does shots of something that looks like mango salsa. The thing I love about Tiffany is that she’s so confident in who she is. Deavan could learn a thing or two. Ronald’s raspy-voiced aunt insists on giving multiple speeches, which someone else honestly could have done. I’m so nervous for her vocal cords!

Henny: WHY?

I don’t know why Laura insists on trying to convince us that her husband’s name is AL-A-DEAN. It’s Aladdin and we all know it.

Tough stuff this week with Laura and her son, Liam. He seems like a sweet baby angel who’s used to having to parent his own mother. It’s so sad.

TLC gives us three segments of Laura this week, which is totally unnecessary. Her storyline is mediocre, at best. Give us more Jihoon!

She leaves Liam in Florida to go meet Aladdin in Qatar who’s blocked her on social media. Honestly, I’m loving all of the sons on this show! Such sweet angels. In the airport, Laura says she’s only 50% sure she’s doing the right thing. Oy! Henny! Why?!?

TLC

Liam hints at drama on the horizon by saying that Laura’s short-tempered, stubborn, and causes fights most of the time. Yikes. I think this may be another Nicole/Azan situation in which the woman stays with the man just to prove a point to herself and everyone around her. It’s dumb.

Next week, Ronald is in big trouble. Corey tries to impress Evelin’s family with magic, which is literally the least impressive thing ever. I can’t fucking wait.

Published at Wed, 10 Jul 2019 00:05:39 +0000